thanksgiving begins

This nation is affluent and has more than it needs. The realization that what we have is a free gift can deepen our desire to share this gift with others who cry out for help. When we bless the fruits of the harvest, let us at least realize that blessed fruits need to be shared.

~ Henri J.M. Nouwen ~
from his book
The Genesee Diary

Today is our first Thanksgiving meal of the year. Thursday, I will have two Thanksgiving meals...one with my dad and one with family/friends.

I have much I am thankful for--not the least of which is you.

rainbows

(yeah, it's a repeat. thanks, rob.)

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

~ Dolly Parton ~

Been having a lot of rain here. Off and on--inside and out. I am almost through my depression. Hallelujah. Took lots of amino acids and stopped taking the pain meds. The good news is that I haven't needed them. Double hallelujah.

I am almost back to the pain level I had before the procedure. I'll take progress wherever I can get it. There's gotta be a rainbow in here somewhere.

i'm on drugs

(my big fat greek--okay, not greek--ankle)

While there is a lower class I am in it, while there is a criminal element I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free.

~ Eugene V. Debs ~
American labor and political leader,
and nominee for the 1924 Nobel Peace Prize
(1855-1926)

I'm depressed.

No, I am not on antidepressants--nor do I need to be. I am using pain medication subsequent to the procedure I had on Friday. The one where the doctor stuck a needle into my ankle and filled me with sugar water. Three times, he did that. Wonder why I didn't think to take my sugar orally?

The pain of the procedure wasn't bad. I tolerated it. The discomfort following the injections continues to reduce on a daily basis and I am still hopeful that this will prevent my needing surgery (even if I have to get another set of injections--or even two more).

I am grateful for the pain medication, too. While I am sure I would have survived and even tolerated the pain, I believe we heal better when a high percentage of our energy is not engaged in managing pain. So, I have used the medication that was prescribed for me. I have even needed and used less than the doctor suggested I could use. I have to tell you, though...I will be very glad not to need it any more because it depresses me.

This is a physiological reaction. I'm not depressed because I am worried about the outcome. I am not depressed because of other events or phenomena in my life. The aftermath of taking the medication I need is depression. I am glad I know that.

I am not taking it personally. I am not trying to find a cause for my depression or manufacture meaning out of it all. Sometimes, depression is purely physiological.

Several weeks ago, I attended a continuing education seminar on the immune system. Did you know that one of the effects of activating one's immune system and causing inflammation can be depression? In fact, research shows that taking aspirin can reduce sadness.

Between the pain medication and inflammatory response (which is how this procedure works--the desired outcome), I have lots of good reason to be depressed. So don't worry about me. I'm fine.

I am going to feel so good when it stops hurting. When my liver clears these drugs out and the inflammation has done its job, I'll be a new person.

Come dance with me....

do you surrender?

Dear Wanda,

Do you ever feel like surrendering your blog?

Jane

Dear Jane,

Yes.

For years--all the way through high school and college and even into my early adulthood--I kept journals. In the attic I have pages and pages of spiral notebooks. Much of it is mind garbage that I felt a need to offload. Little of it is inspired or inspiring. I just needed to write, so I did.

I can't remember exactly when I stopped writing in my journal daily. I think I was in my 30s and going through some kind of relationship crisis. "Why" doesn't really matter at this point. I stopped--and it wasn't good for me.

A few years ago, I started blogging as part of a class I took. I enjoyed it from the beginning. The first blog I started fell by the wayside, because I was no longer inspired by it (or for it). Then I started this one.

It, too, has evolved. I started it as an "advice column". However, with a small readership, I just didn't get enough requests for my infinite wisdom. I started posting my photographs, an inspiring quotation, and writing whatever was on my mind. Occasionally, like now, I would get a request and happily respond.

This year, I made two creative commitments: 1) Take a self portrait every day, and 2) post to this blog daily. So far, I have kept both.

Sometimes I wonder why I continue this blog. The short answer is...I need a place to write. And I need an audience other than the inside of my head. I don't know how many people come regularly to read--maybe a dozen? What is important is that I find my voice to share with others.

Will I continue to post daily next year? I don't know. Will I continue this blog? I don't know. The question that I have needed to answer is "Will you surrender to your blog?"

And for me, that answer is also yes. Because, Jane, if it weren't for this blog (and yours) I wouldn't have gotten to know you.

You know?

Wanda

#500...and ankle follow up

Auspicious? I hope so. My 500th post on the blog is the update on my procedure. Something about the round numbers feels good.

The procedure is called "Prolotherapy." The doctor injects a dextrose solution into the soft tissue around the joint causing an inflammatory response, which "tightens" the ligaments and stabilizes the joint. Of course, as with all medical procedures, there is no guarantee and it doesn't work (or doesn't work well enough) in all cases.

The doctor I saw does the procedure under fluoroscope or real time x-ray. Many doctors do the procedure blind, using anatomical markers as the indicator of where to place the injection. That's how the technique is taught. My doctor has a fluoroscope in his office. I figure it makes his aim better.

(ankle: foot at the top)

Because the ankle bone is connected to the knee bone, and because I have had a considerable amount of pain at the knee as well as the ankle, he did an injection at the head of the fibula, too.

(knee)

If you look closely, you can actually see the needle in the pictures:

(two injections in the ankle)

(one in the knee--the black line is the needle)

Looks like a pretty good aim to me.

Today, I feel like I have a badly sprained ankle that goes all the way up to my knee. That's how it is supposed to feel. For a couple days, I will be hobbling. After that, it should keep getting better and better.

I have another procedure scheduled next month. The doctor says it is possible that I won't need it and that one round of injections will be enough. Whether he was giving me a hypnotic suggestion or basing his comment on experience, it would be okay with me if one round did the job. I guess we'll see.

Thanks for all your good wishes and support. I'll keep you posted.

no food or drink after 7:30

The deadline fast approaches.

This afternoon, I am having a procedure on my right ankle. The doctor says no food or drink for 6 hours prior. So I got up a little early and fixed myself some breakfast...and coffee. The latter, of course, being the most delightful and important part.

If this therapy works, I will be able to avoid surgery [from my fingertips to God's ears]. Send good thoughts, please.

Thank you.